I am content. Not because my life is perfect or because I have all my ducks in a row. It isn't because every one of my dreams are realized or because I am a saint. I don't always see the glass half full nor do I see it as half empty. I don't see the world through pragmatic skepticism nor rose colored glasses. I am mesh of sanguine and phlegmatic temperament that makes the word, content, my home.
My husband and I found a mutual passion for travel. Often we find ourselves voyeurs of the sea. The feeling of creatures entwining with my hair while their companions scatter around my legs and arms is breathtaking . While experiencing this wondrous world through a snorkel mask I find myself yearning to get further in the depths. Diving sounded like the perfect solution.
The hunger to be in a part of the sea life brought about an interesting conversation with my girlfriends. We were sipping wine while savoring stories of travel and adventure. When I mentioned my desire for learning to dive one friend spoke of her experiences in the water.
One story struck me as a metaphor for life. Once she and her husband went diving in a large hole. (I don't know for sure but I think it was The Blue Hole) She said that diving there can be dangerous because the further down in depth you go the more risks you have for forgetting yourself. It is similar to drinking but instead of being a little off kilter you find yourself to be invincible. Often, divers want to go deeper and explore more to the point of death. Nitrogen narcosis can cause a person to lose not only their ability to make decisions but also motor function. A few hundred people die a year thinking they are experienced enough divers to not fall prey to this gas.
While sitting there listening to this story the metaphor struck like a ton of bricks. So many people go through life looking for perfection. They want their childhood dreams to be realized even when they themselves have not taken the steps to make it happen. Some have taken the steps but they have a vision of a person they have never been nor in their deepest of hearts want to be. Many wander into the deep blue hole of life, going deeper, becoming more lost in their mind that in the life before them.
In my youth, life dealt me not one or two lemons but a grove of them. I decided then and there I had a choice, move forward or wallow. I made the choice to always move forward while savoring the joys in life. This has never lead me wrong. I have been sad, depressed, poor, rich, single, married, mother, sister, friend, foe, but in all of this I have always maintained my contentment.
Contentment has lost me friends and family because as the saying goes, "misery loves company". While I am always there to hold hands of others who are going trough the tribulations of life, I can't jump in the hole with them. Most people understand this choice and appreciate having this companionship but others don't. We accept that about each other and move on or don't.
Mostly contentment has brought me a life of companionship. I meet friends by accident sitting in an airport or standing in line at the store. I have often had to shop with my ipod playing just so people don't follow me around the store and chat. I have become some people's walking confessional. I don't mind this heavy flow of friends and relations because I love people.
You may be asking yourself why I am writing about contentment. I am currently reading the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. In one "bead" she speaks of words that define cities, families, and herself. Someone asked her what one word defined her. She couldn't think of a word. I turned this thought back to myself. The word Content washed over me.
I close with this quote Elizabeth used in her book, "better to live your own destiny imperfectly, than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection. -Bhagavad Gitaon "